Once again I welcome your seldom self into the world of incessant profanities, overuse of generously proportioned words and the occasional reference to incidence's involving indecent exposure and a bingo hall full of old ladies.
This is, if I am correct [and you know I am], my third post of the new launch. And despite the incessant profanities, overuse of generously proportioned words and the occasional reference to incidence's involving indecent exposure and a bingo hall full of old ladies...topics are running dryer than the vagina of a 90 year old!
Therefore I look to you! My beautiful beautiful readers to remove your hand from your underwear and produce to me an assemblage of subjects, topics or even people you wish for me to write about.
Please be warned when asking me to write about people- I do like to get to know the before I write about them so all requests for me to write about your Nan will be welcomed with a tube of KY jelly at your own risk!
All I require of your humble self is to leave a comment on any of the blogs, email me, write to me, text me, stand outside my house in a stalker-esque manner fashioning a sign. Inspire me with your originality and it shall be done young one!
Finally I understand the only people reading this are often referred to as the skid-marks on the underwear of society however I would just like to say I love you all the same! And I would like to clear something up:
By reading my less than colloquial constructions you could have somewhat of a vivid image of myself. I would like to re-illiterate, despite my continual reference to old people in a sexual way- I...in no way...find old people sexually alluring!
I only say this because I am harbouring subsequent guilt from picking on the grannies and g-diddys of this wonderful country. A pensioner dropped dead in front of me in Tesco’s today...
I felt so sorry for them. They had just bought a Bag for Life!!
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