I'm hardly a Scrooge. Nor a Grinch. In fact when it comes to Christmas I'm quite the big kid even to take it as far as to describe myself as somewhat of an Elf. I love the Christmas decorations, the mad Christmas shopping, the yearly songs stored religiously on my Ipod and most of all...wrapping presents and putting them under the tree.... But to all the Shopping Centres, Supermarkets and Starbucks (despite how much I love you)...FUCK OFF!
Excuse me if you fell over, hit your head and woke up in the wrong shitting month?
Despite the ludicrous allegations of verbal abuse piling up against me...it's all lies!
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Starbucks Employee: Hello, would you like to try one of our new Christmas drinks?
Luke: Would you like to FUCK OFF?
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Sainsbury's Cashier: Not doing your Christmas shopping yet then sir?
Luke: No I'm not you silly cunt!
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WHSmiths Employee: Are you aware were doing 3 for 2 on Christmas wrapping paper?
Luke: Are you aware it's fucking November you thick bastard?!
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I couldn't believe my eyes when i walked into Sainsbury's and saw an array of red, gold and green decorations spinning from the ceiling (and as for Christmas uniform? You look like a cock!)
January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November...oh were only in November? Then take of that silly fucking Santa hat you nob!
When the time is right (that's December for all you tits alleging legal action against me) I shall welcome the festive season with open arms. I will prance merrily (in a manly fashion) with glee and joy around all Christmas trees alike. I will offer a warm heartily "Merry Christmas" to all that I greet. But until such glorious time...piss off you twat! :)
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Formal: "As the WHSmith employee described in this blog post, I feel that the retail industry has been wrongly criticised. Many customers have already begun their Christmas shopping, with some even reaching completion. All I can say that "3for 2 Gift Wrap" is good and can bring you savings of £3.99 per set purchased. We are merely doing our jobs!"
Informal: "Fuck off Luke, I'm only doing my job!"
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